Truth is...

I’ve come to realize I’ve fallen into a season of grieving. I have so much to be thankful for - don’t get me wrong, but isn’t it only human for us to have expectations?

I thought my life would look very different right now. In the life I had planned, we’d be changing diapers, sleep-deprived and in complete awe of the baby we brought into this world. We’d possibly even be trying for our second baby by now. Instead, here we are 2.5 years later, still waiting to fill one of the bedrooms in our house with a crib, waiting to dress our baby in the clothes we bought knowing the Lord will make it happen, waiting for that positive pregnancy test, waiting to hear the cry of our child for the first time, waiting to be needed.

Yet, something beautiful has happened within my soul as I've waited for our precious children. I've developed a gratitude like no other, the ability to see my future children in ways I never would have had I not gone through this. I have a deeper appreciation for pregnancy, for life, and a perspective I could never have gained without the wait.

So yes, we can absolutely grieve. In fact, I think the Lord expects it. How couldn't He? He knows our heart's deepest desires. He knows what we need and when we need it.

There is beauty in refinement, and I know this season is exactly that. This season has changed my faith. It's taught me who God is - the way He continuously shows up, giving us peace, extending us grace, and proving His faithfulness. The way He cares. The way He loves. The way He changes us from the inside out. Not because it feels good, not because it's what we want, but because He knows it's what we need. He loves us so much, and He continues to plant seeds in our lives that will one day grow into the most beautiful garden. That garden will bear the fruit of the Most High God, and He will receive all the glory.

In Matthew 19:26, Jesus says, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

No matter what we grieve, no matter what expectations we've held onto, God always has a way through it. Even when it feels like the world is caving in, God is still there, holding us together.

It feels like there has been a turning point in my faith. You know... the kind that changes everything. The kind where you finally say, "Enough! Lord, I give it all to You.” It's time to lay everything at the feet of Jesus. I release my expectations. I release my plans. And now, I will rest because I know God has a plan for my life. I know there is purpose in this season, so I will no longer simply wait - I will live.

"At the right time, I, the Lord, will make it happen." - Isaiah 60:22

How can we stay disappointed when we know it's all in God's hands? This makes me think of a song I used to sing as a child: "He's got the whole world in His hands." If that doesn't bring you peace, I don't know what will.

God won't answer all of your prayers - not because He's mean, but because He's good. His plan will likely look very different from yours, but I want to ask you… Do you trust Him? Like, really trust Him? Are you willing to release the things you want so the Lord can finally move in your life? I was always the person answering, "Yes! Of course I trust Him." But when things didn't go my way, I felt disappointed. I tried to control the circumstances. I tried to change them.

It's easy to surrender some things. It's another thing to surrender everything. I don't think we'll ever be perfect at this. In fact, I think we'll spend the rest of our lives learning how to surrender. It isn't in our human nature to fully let go, but God certainly calls us to. I controlled so much of my life for so long, and I can almost hear the Lord saying, "Finally... now I can work."Not every day will look perfect. I'm human, and I struggle like everyone else. But from one control freak to another: let go, and watch what the Lord can do.

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Jesus,

I pray over the person reading this right now. If they connected with these words in any way, I pray that You meet them exactly where they are.

I pray they feel safe enough to cry out to You, God, but ultimately, I pray they let go.

I know so many of us walk through seasons of grief - whether we're grieving a loved one, the job we thought we'd have, a baby, a marriage, or simply the expectations of what we thought life would look like in this season.

I pray, in Your mighty name, Jesus, that they are covered in Your love and grace. Fill their souls with a peace that surpasses all understanding. Remind them that they don't have to have it all figured out. Instead, they simply need to rest  and allow You to work.

I pray that any spirit of control is released today. Give them wisdom, Lord. Give them clarity. Surround them with Your presence.

Thank You for their life and for the journey You have them on. We love You.

In Your Son's name,

Amen.